Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
