Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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