Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
