May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
