If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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