the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
