im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
