i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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