Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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