Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
