bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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