we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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