i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
