You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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