I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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