saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
