Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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