Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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