bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
