I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
