fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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