Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
barbara walters just said penis...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
