I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
