ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
