Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think my vagina is haunted
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
