Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
