How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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