were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
