dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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