eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
