WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
