i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
