Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
