Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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