How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
