She announced her abortion via fbk
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
