Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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