first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
