i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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