im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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