I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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