i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
