my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
