He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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