I puked a lego.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
