Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
