Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
