You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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