I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
