I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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