Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
