If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
