So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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