just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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