Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
