I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
