you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Houston, we have a blender
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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