and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
