I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
