She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
