Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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