literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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