yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
