sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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