i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
