Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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