Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
