and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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